14 Weeks

Each week is getting better.  I am feeling better and better.  This week, I went with Madelyn to the Reproductive Care Center Patient Party to the bees game.  We stayed for like 30 minutes because neither of us like baseball ha!  It's crazy how busy it was and cool to know that their clinic has helped so many people.

The other neat thing was we went to Nate's cousin Tannar's soccer game at Copper Hills.  They were in a tournament and lost in double over-time.  We brought Copper and ran into another Golden doodle.  The dogs' little sister's name was Hallie and she was the cutest little gitl.  If we are having a girl, we are going to name her Hallie and it was just coincidental that she was there and she had a golden doodle.

Overall a fun week and that means we are one week closer to meeting you!

 

12 Weeks

We are almost out of the first trimester!  This week I have been getting a lot more of my energy back.  The nausea isn't nearly as bad as long as I eat and we got to see the baby at my 12 week ultrasound!  We decided to test out another OBGYN and I'm glad we did.  We are now seeing Dr. Matthew Wilson at Granger Clinic and his nurse Susan.  They were both very nice and Nate and I didn't feel like another number.  Susan was SO excited when I told her that this was an IVF baby.  We chatted a bit to get to know each other and then did the ultrasound.  The baby was bouncing around and we could see its heart and legs kicking.  The heart beat was around 170 bpm.

11 Weeks

This week has been exciting.  The nausea has lessened.  It's still there but it's a little more manageable.  I'm still tired, but again I have been able to handle it.  The only time I have almost barfed this whole pregnancy was my 11 weeks 6 days.  I gagged on my toothpaste ha!  My boss at work has been really helpful.  My belly is getting a little bigger and I need to get some bigger pants.

10 weeks

Symptoms are the same.  Always tired, aways sort of nauseous. But I wouldn't change it for anything.  Here's a pic from my last 10.5 week ultrasound

You can see its head and little arm!  We are so excited to meet you!

9 Weeks 4/7/2017

This week was my birthday week!  My birthday was on a Saturday and we went and saw Beauty and the Beast on the 7th after work.

Since I am always tired and slightly nauseous, we decided to go bowling, do a puzzle, nap, and watch RSL win in the snow for my actual birthday.  It was perfect.  I find that I always have to take a nap every day or I physically can not function.  It's probably because my baby is growing wicked fast!  Now it is the size of a green olive or grape, and has officially graduated from an embryo to a fetus!!

The past couple of days I have been feeling more tired and sick than usual.  On Monday, we went to Cheesecake Factory to celebrate my birthday and I hardly ate anything.  It's so weird to me that something that tiny is taking over my body.  I wouldn't have it any other way though.  Next week I am having another ultrasound just to check in and make sure everything is ok.  I'm going to be one of those paranoid mommies-to-be until at least 12 weeks or until I can feel it kick all the time.

8 weeks 3/31/17

What a crazy week!  I have been sick and tired all week.  We met a new doctor on April 4, Dr. Epstein and even got a pregnancy goodie bag.  The best part was that I didn't have to do a vaginal ultrasound.  The ultrasound technician could see the little tiny baby just from scanning my belly.  We even saw your little fluttering heartbeat on the monitor!  Technology is so amazing!  The heart beat was measuring 178 bpm which is awesome.  I really think this pregnancy is going to stick, but I've had so many spotting scared that I'm starting to think my body is trying to have a period.

I am tempted to buy a doppler so we will be able to hear the heart beat whenever we would like, but then I might just be more paranoid.  Recently I have been craving a lot of Mexican food and I even had nachos last night with tons of spicy salsa!  The next appointment is on the 18th but I also scheduled one for a new doctor, Dr Wilson on the 28th.  I'm still not sure which one I will stick with but it's nice to have options :)

7 weeks 3/24/17

Another week has passed by.  I had my second ultrasound on Thursday this past week.  I was So nervous because the last time we were here, the Dr told us there wasn't a heartbeat.  I wasn't spotting at all so I was hopefully optimistic that we would see it.  This would be our year!

We went in and right when the probe was on the baby, we saw this little tiny flickering.  My heart jumped.  It was so exciting to see it!  Both Nate and I breathed a sigh of relief and shared some happy tears.  Then, Dr Blauer turned on the sound and we were able to hear the heart beat!  It was so cute!  The beat was about 136 bpm which he told us was good.  So when we left, we "officially graduated" from the infertility clinic.   Those people have done a ton for us, and we waited almost 3 years to hear that little fluttering heart beat.  Best day ever.

That happiness was short lived when the next morning not 16 hours later I started to bleed like last time I was miscarrying.  I was at work and was freaking out.  I called Nate and he set up an ultrasound at ten at the clinic.

We both were crying as we drove to the clinic and I was trying to prepare for the worst news.  We got there and had to wait a little but when we got in, Dr Blauer got the probe and measured the baby.  We still had a heartbeat.   In fact, it was up to 141 bpm.  This little rascal may kill me from anxiety before it's even born...

We took the rest of the day off and my pregnancy symptoms returned.  Our bodies are so weird.  This is going to be a long year as I am due in November...  I have another ultrashing scheduled for next week and then one with a new OB on April 4.  I finish taking shots and meds on April 14th, 19 days away!

6 weeks 3/19/17

This week on monday we got to see an ultrasound.  I was measuring 5w3d and it was growing in my uterus.  This time around my symptoms have been more noticeable.  Last time, I was spotting a little all the time and this time I have had NO spotting.  Hopefully that's a good sign.  Last time I had a lot of breast tenderness and this time I am much more nauseous.  It could be from the progesterone injections that I get every morning.

I have noticed that if I don't eat every 3 hours or so I feel much sicker.   I am taking this all as a good sign.  I am also always EXHAUSTED.  I want to go to bed at like 7 or 8 haha.

I am too afraid to download a baby app or get baby books from the library because last time I did that, I miscarried a week later.  I might after my 8 week appointment, but we have to get through Thursday first.   This Thursday is the ultrasound where we were blindsided last time.  We were supposed to hear the heartbeat and didn't.  So to say I'm nervous for Thursday is an understatement.
That being said, I feel much more calm with this one than the last one.  I just have a gut feeling it will be ok.  It really won't be real until we see the heartbeat and when we hopefully make it to 12 weeks.  That is still 6 weeks away or the end of April.

This week we also got Copper fixed on Friday.  He was so sad after and wouldn't look at me.  Today, Sunday he was much more like himself.  He still won't eat a ton but hopefully that will come.

Blood Test HCG results

Tuesday March 7th, 2017.

Yesterday we got some great news!!  I am officially pregnant!  Traci called me yesterday right before noon and left a voicemail.  Nate and I both had to wait until after work regardless of the news or else we wouldn't be able to focus all day.  I'm glad we waited.  We even recorded our reactions, which weren't as good as the first time because I miscarried so early.

I just feel calm about this one. Hopefully everything will be fine.  I am just a little over 4 weeks along.

fingers crossed!  We are very excited!!

Vivid dreams

3/5/2017

I woke up wide awake at 4am this morning in tears from a nightmare.  We find out on Monday if the transfer worked so it's been on my mind a lot.  In the dream, it was Monday and the phone rang and I tried to let it go to voicemail so I could keep the message to share with Nate when we got done with work that day.  Somehow I had answered the phone and Tracy (my nurse) was on the other line.  I tried to explain to her to call again but all of the sudden I was in the office and my mom was there talking to Tracy.  I was trying to avoid the result and I looked at my mom and she said, "ah that's too bad". And then I knew it didn't work.  I woke up devastated and hopeless and couldn't go back to sleep.

Oddly enough that same night around the same time, Nate had a bad dream too and woke up.

I am terrified for tomorrow.  I don't know if it worked and maybe it's the progesterone injections that ar making me more emotional.  I have some good bruises on my injection site now and it hurts a little.

I just hope it's not all for nothing.

New year, another treatment

To say that 2016 was a bad year is the understatement of the century.  After going through SO many treatments and a miscarriage I was ready to start a new year.  So where have we been since the miscarriage?  In Dec 2016, we did our second round of IVF.  My body responded a little better than the last time.  They retrieved 16 eggs from my ovaries.  Of the 16, 11 were mature and 10 fertilized.  We were thrilled!   Before I had the fresh transfer, the clinic checks my hormone levels to see if it is safe to do a transfer.  Well long story short, my progesterone levels were too high and we lost 4 embryos that weren't good enough quality to freeze.  We were sad but still excited that we had 6 frozen embryos to try in 2017.

I don't know what happened, but it took 40 days for my cycle to start which NEVER happens.  So we prepared for a frozen transfer in Feb.  There are a few differences between this frozen cycle and the last one.

1. We are transferring a day 5 embryo instead of a day 3 embryo like last year.  The difference between two days is hundreds of cells which hopefully will give the embryo a better chance to survive and implant properly

2. I am doing progesterone injections instead of progesterone suppositories.  These are only once a day instead of three times a day.  The shot isn't messy and is 75% cheaper than the suppositories.

3. The embryologist had to thaw 4 of our embryos for one to survive.  Last time, all of our embryos made it through the thaw.  That was unexpected not fun news.  The only good thing about it is that we still have 2 frozen embryos left.

We did the transfer on February 22nd.  I took the day off and took it easy that day.  I also made sure to eat avocado and pineapple (any of you that are ttc know what that's for).  The transfer went well and I didn't feel crampy  at all which I though was weird.  I can remember if I was crampy last time but I was feeling much better than I thought.

Here we are on Sunday and I feel like I'm getting a cold.  But I don't feel any of the symptoms I felt when I did get pregnant but it's still really early.  My pregnancy blood draw is on March 6th.  Next week is going to be a long week to wait.  We need to think of fun distractions to keep us both occupied.

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is a time to remind yourself of what you are grateful for.  Don't get me wrong, I have A TON to be thankful for, but I also have a huge hole in my heart as I type this.  Today I would have been 15 weeks pregnant with our miracle baby.

Right after my last post, I went to the clinic for an ultrasound on October 1st.  Dr. Blauer performed the ultrasound and got really quiet after a while of looking for the heartbeat.  At this point I was still feeling pregnant and wasn't ready for what he was about to say.  To be sure, he would have me come in on the 3rd, just to double check.

After a while, he said, "I'm sorry, I don't think this is a viable pregnancy"  We. were. blindsided.  I didn't even know how to react.  I just felt numb and almost in shock.  When I realized what that meant, my heart dropped.  The amount of blood, sweat, tears, hope, and money we have spent the last year on trying to start a family was just flushed down the toilet.  The emotional toll of this news crushed us.  The amount of sadness and pain we both felt can't be written.  Dr. Blauer said that if it didn't happen naturally, then he could prescribe something for me that would expedite the miscarriage.

We went to my parent's house for General Conference (of course conference had to fall on the exact date) and I just sobbed and sobbed.  I didn't even listen.  I just stared and wept like a baby.

The next day, the pregnancy symptoms were gone.

That next week I could not focus on anything.  Luckily to help with the whole infertility process, we got our puppy Copper.  He was such a help during that week.  I'm so grateful for him.

I went in to the clinic for a follow up ultrasound on October 3rd and the sac that was once there was unrecognizable.

*WARNING TMI* If you don't want to know the intricate details of my miscarriage, please skip ahead.

October 6th was the worst day of my life.  I had been depressed all week and spotting the entire pregnancy.  I was at work and just felt like I was leaking everywhere (I had been wearing a pad for weeks now)  The later in the day, my cramps were unbearable and I was bleeding a lot, nearly through the pad.  I was able to go home early and just sat on the toilet, dripping clots of blood, just hoping that one was the baby so I could get it over with - the pain was unbearable.  After about 30 minutes on the toilet, I decided to take a hot hot shower to help with my stomach cramps (labor cramps)  I don't know how long I was in there, but it didn't help much.  I finally got out of the shower and went back to the toilet. By now it was just before 4 pm that Thursday afternoon.  I just started yelling "Get it out!" over and over again.  I was done being in pain.  Finally I said a prayer aloud begging Him to make the pain stop and almost instantly I felt the baby come out of my body, and the pain instantly subsided.  I couldn't bear to look at it and it was so small (the size of a blueberry) that I just flushed and went on with my life.  I regret that decision every day.

It sucks big time to see everyone else with their young families shopping or going to church or being together.  It's even worse to see the parents mistreat their kids, and I can't help but think, "why do they get to have kids and so many other people can't?"

This has been one of the hardest years for us, and it's frustrating to be entering December with no positive results after over a year of treatments.

Despite all the sadness and heartache, I do have a lot to be grateful for.  I'm grateful for my loyal husband and all the ups and downs he has had to handle from me.  I'm so glad we have our puppy.  He keeps me sane.  I'm glad for both families.  They are always willing to feed or entertain us.  I'm glad I have a good job that has some infertility benefits. I'm glad Nate loves his job.  I'm grateful for our house, our cars, our ward, SNL (laughter is the best medicine), warm clothes.. I mean the list goes on and on.

I'm not sure how to end this, but wanted to document it before too much time had passed.

Early symptoms and thoughts

9/25/2016

I had my first ultrasound on Friday to see if there was one or two sacs (or any sacs) and to see exactly how far along I was.  My appointment was at 4:30, so I was anxious at work ALL day and ready to go to see Dr. Blauer.

Nate and I got there about 5 minutes early, and they got us in right at 4:30.  Dr. Blauer performed the ultrasound, and found one sac!  There is a baby in me!!  He measured the baby and said I was 6 weeks along (on saturday).  That means I'm already halfway through my first trimester!!

I'm still too early to see anything in the sac (my baby is the size of a BB pellet), but I have another ultrasound in a week and should be able to hear the heartbeat!!

So far, my pregnancy hasn't been too bad.  I feel a little sick in the morning, but by the time I get up and move around, I feel pretty good.  As the days go on, I am much more tired, and have to pee like crazy ALL the time.

I am ok with being sick every morning because it means that I'm still pregnant.  I am going to try really hard to never complain and I just pray and hope that this miracle baby sticks!

The results are in!

So, this may or may not be a long blog post. Also, all this information in this post is going to be TMI, so if that makes you uncomfortable, just skip to the end.

Last time we did a fresh IVF cycle, my cycle started on Wednesday (I was supposed to take a blood test on Friday, but started before).  So I was really nervous and expected a negative result (a BFN - big fat negative, to those trying to conceive) because I was feeling the exact same symptoms as before.  I wasn't nauseous, tired from the dog waking me up so many times, but wasn't sore, and it felt like I was going to start.  So all that week, I was super sad and depressed, because we would have to start all over again with shots every day and doctors appointments every other day. (NOT fun.)

I woke up on Wednesday, went to the bathroom, and noticed that I was spotting.  This happened the last time, so I figured that afternoon I would start.  So I put a tampon in, and waited for the inevitable to happen.

That night, there was more spotting, but it was dark colored and the tampon wasn't full.  I figured the birth control messed my cycle up, and was convinced that I wasn't pregnant.  I was waiting until Friday (my blood test) before I took an actual at-home test, because I figured, what's the point?  It's just a waste of money.

So Friday morning at 8, I got my blood drawn, and I told my nurse Jeanette, that when she called me with the results, just to leave a message, and I would listen to it after work.  That day at work i was super busy, so it wasn't on my mind.  It was all I had in me when the phone rang not to answer it.

I saw the voicemail.. and waited...  I only made it about 30 minutes before I said to myself, "I'm just going to listen to the first 5 seconds, just to get  the bad news over with.  Here is the voicemail.

When I heard her say, "I have really good news for you", I hung up and immediately called Nate.  I put the voicemail on speaker, and we listened to it together.  You have to remember that I was CONVINCED that it didn't work again, so I was shocked when she told me I was pregnant!  

Nate and I was full on crying tears of happiness while we were both at work (our poor coworkers...)  I should have recorded it, but was too anxious.  Just know that it was a very special moment between us.  keep in mind that the doctor gave us a 5-10% of success WITH in-vitro.

We finally got our big fat positive!  It worked!  I am pregnant!  I still can't believe it is real.  I never thought it would be our turn.  You read so many stories and blogs about everyone's infertility journey, and so many people have had so much heartache and years of trying.  I never knew where ours would fit.  I am due in May (our anniversary month!) and we couldn't be more excited!  Baby Jackson, reality is starting to sink in!  Since Friday (Sept 16th) every once in a while while we are in the car, I will just look at Nate and say, "I am pregnant!" and he'll say, "You are pregnant".  We both can't believe it!  

I know all the prayers and good vibes helped make this possible.  Thank you family and friends for all of your support!  Baby Jackson is already loved by so many!

FET #1 - Sept 2nd

The frozen cycles are SO much better than the fresh ones.  With the fresh ones, I had to take a multiple shots every day.  With a frozen one,  the only meds I am taking is Progesterone, Estrogen, and a prenatal vitamin.

Frozen cycle day, was Friday, Sept 2nd, at 11am.  I had done the transfer before, but here is a video of it.  In the video, the embryologist showed us the embryos, and then sucked them out in a catheter and then put the embryos in me.

Here we are before:

and after:

Here's the video (maybe)

Meet Copper!

To distract me from the two week wait (TWW) to see if the frozen transfer worked, we decided to get a mini Golden Doodle (F1B - 75% poodle, 25% golden retriever) and named him Copper.  We named him that because he has darker ears and I work at Kennecott Utah Copper.

Isn't he cute?

Family photo

He won't actually sleep on his bed, but likes to be touching it.

Showing off for everyone at our soccer game

His first bath!  He did so well!

Right after the vet.

We bought him from a lady named Emily that lives in Pleasant View.  She had so many dogs at her house.  She had two litters of 8 puppies each, plus other Bernedoodles and poodles.  All the puppies were so cute, and Copper was the smallest one.

We chose this breed because of their less chance of shedding.  A full on poodle has hair, not fur, and doesn't shed at all.  He is 75% poodle and hopefully has a good chance of not shedding too bad.  Nate's mom is allergic, and so far has done ok with him.  She hasn't held him, but she has been around him and hasn't had a reaction to him.

Copper has such a personality.  When we leave him in his crate for too long, he barks an angry bark when we let him out.  He also has a stuffed duck that is bigger than him that he loves to play with.  My sisters call him their Nephuppy.

Phase 2 - Frozen cycle

August 23rd, 2016
So where are we now?  After being butt hurt that my period came early, and that our first cycle didn't work, we went on vacation and had a blast.  It was really fun to get away and not think about life at home.  We went to Universal Studios, San Diego Zoo, the beach, and the pool.  We also ate SO much amazing food, I gained weight in a week.

It's been a couple weeks since I stopped taking hormones and I'm finally starting to feel more like myself.  I've laughed a lot more and didn't feel bloated, which was a nice change.

So now, I've started my frozen cycle and I've had one baseline ultrasound, and one blood draw (today) and they've told me that everything is working the way it should.  My levels are good (estrogen is at 300 and they want to see at least 150).  I have another ultrasound on the 30th, and then the transfer most likely on the 2nd.  I'm nervous and excited.

In other news,  I've convinced Nate to get a puppy!  We are going to look at them tomorrow and if we buy it, we'll be puppy parents by mid-September!  I think having a puppy will be so exciting and a good distraction for both of us, but especially me.

BFP?

August 18th, 2016

I was scheduled to go in for my blood draw on Friday, August 5th, but I started to bleed Tuesday and then Wednesday my period started and came with a vengeance.  (Something about all the additional hormones made it feel like someone was stabbing me in the ovaries.  To say I was sad it didn't work is the understatement of the year.

I. was. crushed.  I still am crushed and it's been 2 weeks later.  I mean we even had a picture of our cute little embryos, just to learn that my body is broken.

The only hope I have is that we have a frozen embryo cycle, another fresh cycle, and possibly one more fresh cycle.

If all of those don't work, I don't even know how I'm going to move on.  My life is so different from what i thought it would be.  I'm trying to look on the bright side, but it gets really hard to live life when all I want to do is have a kid.

Luckily, we went to California and that kept my mind off of of our situation right now.

Vivid Dreams while waiting

Aug 2nd 2016

Maybe I'm just too anxious, but this whole two week waiting period is KILLING me!  I'm trying to stay busy, but my mind always wanders back to wanting to know if it worked or not..  One thing I have noticed though (besides the leakynesss from Progesterone), is that my dreams have been very horrible and vivid.  For example:

A couple of nights ago, probably Saturday night, I had a dream that I had to teach the CTR 5 class in Primary.  There were a ton of kids and even 3 or 4 parents that were there, but the kids would not settle down.  I even made a really great dessert and they still wouldn't listen.  At that point in the dream, I just started to yell at them.  They didn't care.  I woke up so angry and anxious.  The dream felt so real.  I must have been nervous that all my assignments were taken care of that Sunday.

I know I had another dream in between then and yesterday, but don't remember what it was.

Last night, I had two dreams:  The first one basically there was a bad guy getting ready to blow up a mine shaft with hundreds of people in it.  We were in the blasting zone and tried to stop it.  I must have woken up or changed dreams before the ending, because I don't know what happened.  I just remember jolting awake.

Part 2 of last night:  I had to go back to college for some reason.  I was in my apartment with my friends Emily, and Sara, and we were reminiscing about our college days (even though in real life they did not go to that college with me)  Then out of nowhere, our building that was like 20 stories tall crushed the three of us while we were in the room against an adjacent building, but we were still conscious.  The strange thing is that I knew it was going to fall on us before it happened.  The last thing I remembered before I woke up is the three of us holding on to the outside railing, just waiting for the building to completely fall and kill us.  So weird.  It took me a while this morning to realize it wasn't real.

All this anxiety isn't good for my babies that are hopefully growing...  Maybe this is a common thing that happens.

The waiting game (Two Week Wait)

July 29th, 2016

It has now been 5dp3dt or 5 days past the 3 day transfer (trust me, there are SO many acronyms when trying to get pregnant) and I have been taking the progesterone twice a day.  My absolute favorite part of taking that is when I have to get up in the middle of the night 2-3 times to pee...oh, and it gives me all the signs of being pregnant - sore breasts, feeling crampy, always hungry (wait... that could just be me), ALWAYS tired.  It is definitely my favorite part of this little adventure.

I've been trying to stay busy at work (which has been picking up), playing soccer, primary calling, and planning for California in August, but there are still times where I'll google symptoms or blogs about fertility for hours.  I know it's not healthy, but I can't help it sometimes.

This weekend is going to be hectic: primary parade, helping neighbors move, fixing our sprinklers, soccer, wedding receptions, laundry, etc....so hopefully I'll continue to stay busy while we wait.

How many Embryos did we get?

Friday, July 22nd - I got a call from the Reproductive Care Center at about 3:40.  I had been waiting for this call ALL DAY!  I was so worried that we wouldn't have any embryos to transfer.  So she (Rachel) called me and I had to three-way call Nate, so he could hear the news.  Guys, we have 4 embryos!!  I can't even believe it!

She said that of the 11 eggs they retrieved, 6 were mature, and 4 fertilized!  I know they are just embryos but those are possibly our future children!  I've waited for 2 years to hear that news.  So the plan is to freeze 2 embryos and do a fresh cycle with 2 embryos!  This is happening on Sunday and I couldn't be more excited!  By 12:15 pm on Sunday, I will officially be "pregnant".

I'm so grateful for so many things like that fact that my insurance covers infertility costs, and that both Nate and I have worked really hard to get to where we are.  I feel one step closer to having our family started!

Sunday, July 24th - Today is the day!  I woke up at 7:00 am because I couldn't sleep anymore.  I'm feeling really anxious and excited about today.  We are going to do 2 embryos in hopes that at least one is sticky!  I hope it's as painful as an IUI, and nothing worse.  These last couple days since the retrieval, I've taken it really easy because I've been super crampy.  They have me taking progesterone suppositories (not fun) twice a day, so I have to wear a liner because I leak :(  It's really uncomfortable, and if I get pregnant, I have to do them for like 12 weeks.  But it will all be worth it if I get a baby from it!

So... we got there at 11:45 and the nurse talked to us about the procedure.  Dr. Swelstad also came in to talk to us.  He told us that we had 4 viable embryos and one that was not growing as fast as the others and would probably be discarded.  Of the 4 embryos, 2 were in the "excellent" category (this is the example embryo that all other embryos should look like,  8 cells and everything), 1 in the "good" category (8 cells still, but a some anomalies), and 1 in the "fair"category (only 6 cells).  We decided to do one "excellent" and one "fair"  and freeze the other two for the next time.  Here is a picture of our two potential kids!!





embryo pics






To get a little technical with you:  I have a high FSH (16) and low AMH (.9) which translates to my eggs feel like they are 35 instead of my actual age.  With the egg quality so terrible, it was hard to see if anything would really work, hence the 5% chance we would be able to have kids.

When one does IVF, the doctors usually like to grow the embryos to day 5 before the transfer.  So after we did the 3-day transfer and when my wandering fingers went to google, I started to get really worried that we didn't wait long enough for them to grow and that our percentage that the embryos would work was even smaller.  I called my nurse Jeanette and asked her about this.  She told me a couple things: 1. It is not very common for there to be an excellent quality embryo.  She said they tell patients that it rarely happens, but not to expect it, and we got 2 of them!!  2. The reason they did the 3 day transfer, was because they wanted to have something to transfer.  Due to my high FSH levels, they were worried that if they let the embryos grow to day 5, none of them would make it and we would have nothing.   So that's what we did.  We froze the other two 3-day embryos and hoped we don't have to use them for a while.

We didn't tell anyone that we were doing the transfer today.  We told our family that my progesterone level was higher than normal (which is true) and that we wanted to wait a cycle for my levels to be normal.  So we would have to wait another cycle before we could freeze any.  So, if this works, it will kind of be a surprise for them!

The Embryo Transfer:
I took 1 of the 2 Valium pills to help my uterus relax (which is better for the procedure I guess) and got dressed in my awesome scrubbies!  Nate was in the room too, so he needed to have his outfit too.


I have had several inseminations before so I kinda knew what kind of pain to expect.  He put in the speculum, and flushed out my area with a special liquid.  Then the nurse knocked on the embryologist's door to tell her he was ready.  She then turned on the giant TV to my left and showed us the petri dish with our two embryos in it!  She (Sasha) then took a catheter, stuck it in the petri dish, and we watched the two embryos get sucked up in the culture medium.


She then handed the catheter to the doctor who then put the embryos where they needed to be, and released them.  This was all done through ultrasound, but my uterus is tipped and my left ovary was casting a shadow, so we couldn't actually see the release of the embryos :(  (STUPID OVARY!)  After that, we stayed in the room for a little while, got dressed, and went home.

My blood draw to see if I'm pregnant is Aug 5th (SO LONG AWAYYY!), so if I am, we are going to California that next week and we can surprise my in-laws!  I'm really excited, but super scared that it might not work and we'll have to go through this ALL over again...

More Shots and Egg Retrieval

Sunday July 17th - 9:45 AM  Went in for another ultrasound and blood draw.  There was one follicle that was 20 mm and a couple 18mm and a bunch of smaller ones.  So with that, they wanted me to do stims for another day and then check and see and most likely trigger tomorrow and have the egg retrieval on Wednesday.

Monday, July 18th :7:45 am This was the first ultrasound with my actual doctor, Dr. Blauer.  He was in Europe for a fertility conference and then stayed another week to go on vacation, but he is back for my egg retrieval which is good.  This ultrasound, there were 5 mature follicles and 3 that were close.  So instead of triggering tonight, he prescribed for one more day of stimulation and trigger Tuesday night, which would make the retrieval on Thursday.  Also,  my progesterone levels are much higher than they should be.  They are at 3.5 and should be under 2.  What does that mean?  It means that there is a much smaller chance of the embryo implanting properly, so there has been talk of not doing a fresh cycle and freezing the embryos and waiting for the next cycle (August) so they can control my progesterone levels and have a higher chance of success.

I was kinda bummed after hearing this news, because of a couple reasons: 1. If it worked, we would be having an April baby, which is my birth month.  2.  We have waited for 2 years for this and now have to wait another month.  3.  There are so many hormones going through me that I'm on an emotional roller coaster.

If it is better to wait for the pregnancy rate to increase or stay the same (a whopping 10%) then I guess it will be worth it.

Tuesday, July 19th 7:45 am  Dr. Harasaka did my  ultrasound and he found 7 follicles that were good size and potentially mature.  So the extra day of injections paid off, but my progesterone was at 3.9, which is a sign of pre-ovulation - not good for a timed IVF cycle.

So,  here's the plan.  Take more Gonal-F - 300 units at 9pm, and then trigger at 11:30pm.

Wednesday - take a pregnancy test at noon to make sure it's positive (that ensures that trigger shot absorbed)  but NO SHOTS!! :)  I took the pregnancy test at noon today and it was positive, so everything is looking ready for tomorrow.

Thursday - 10 am - sample collection and egg retrieval.  We got there at 10 and sat with the nurse for a while to talk about what was going to happen at 10:30.  I went into the room and changed my clothes into my fun gown and cap:

I went into the operating room and the anesthesiologist put in my IV and I was out less than 10 minutes later.  The next thing I know, I was in a different room with Nate trying to wake me up.  I remember saying something about Pokemon Go and some other random stuff.  Nate recorded me.  The good news is that they retrieved 11 EGGS!  Eleven!  I was shocked!  There were 7 mature and 4 that weren't as mature.  They will fertilize them all this afternoon and monitor them over the next 5 days,  If there are enough to do a fresh cycle and freeze some, then that's what we'll do.  If there's only two embryos then I think we will freeze them and wait next cycle so they can control my progesterone and give us a better success rate.

I got a blessing from Nate and my Dad last night and am thankful that my body has done what it's been prepped to do.  I'm excited for the next couple of days to see if those little eggs will turn into embryos.

I couldn't upload the video of the retrieval but the doctor sticks a needle in through the vaginal wall and in my ovary to retrieve the egg sacs containing eggs called follicles.

Here are all my follicles with the little tiny eggs inside.

It took me a little while to wake up, and I just relaxed the rest of the day.  I'm not in too much pain which is good.  Now we just play the waiting game.

First week of IVF - Cycle days 1-8

IVF #1 Process step by step

Sunday, July 3rd - Aunt Flow (late by 4 days, just to mess with me).  Started to take Estradiol every 12 hours to slow my cycle

Friday, July 8th - Baseline ultrasound and blood draw.  I have 12 follicles on my left ovary and 8 on the right.  There may be a cyst on the left side.  Blood results looked good and on Saturday I started taking Gonal F - 450 units and low dose HCG - 50 units

Monday July 11th - blood draw, continue with injections

Wednesday July 13th - blood draw and ultrasound.  There were about 7 larger growing follicles and a handful of smaller ones during the ultrasound.  There was also a little bump at my endometrial lining..  Not sure if it something to worry about.  Hopefully it's not a blockage or something.  So I was slightly emotional because I read that they can cancel the IVF cycle if there are not enough eggs to retrieve.  I talked with my nurse, Jeanette, and she said, it is still early and there is still time for the smaller ones to grow.  She said my numbers were a little lower than usual but she still said I was responding well to the treatment.  Since Saturday, I have been injecting myself with the following:

Gonal-F FSH hormone- 450 units at night
Low Dose HCG - 50 units at night

Funny story:  Last night (tuesday), we went to see the 8:55 pm showing of The Shallows (Crazy movie!).  I have tried to stay consistent for my injections - taking them at 8:50 every night, so I brought my shots and had to have Nate give me the shots in the car before going into the theater.  If anyone saw us, it would be like we were pushing drugs haha!  Last nights shots hurt the worst for some reason. The previous days, it wasn't too bad.  I must have hit a nerve or something...

So tonight, I'll do the same injections, and then tomorrow I'll do the following:

Gonal F- FSH hormone - 525 units at night
Low dose HCG - 50 units at night
Cetrotide - 1 Kit

Friday, July 15th  Tonight I took 3 shots and they all hurt.  I think it's getting in my head.  I have 3 bruises on my stomach now and am running out of room to inject myself.  I had an ultrasound and blood draw this morning and Dr Heiner found about 8 follicles that were getting bigger, so that's really good.  He was much more optimistic today than he was on Wednesday.  I'm optimistic that we'll be able to retrieve the eggs, but not sure how well they will do.  I also found out today that one of my favorite infertility bloggers Jenica from http://www.asliceofstyle.com just had her miracle twin boy and girl, Harris and Goldie after 3 rounds of IVF.  I'm so excited for her and hope I have a similar outcome.

I also found out today that I am taking 4 times as much Gonal-F than regular people.  Normal IVF people take about 125 to 225 units, and I'm up to the 525 units/day.  I feel much more emotional than I should.  Although, I haven't cried for no reason yet... just gotten teary eyed.  I think I have about 2 more days of shots and then my egg retrieval on Wednesday.  So now I am on cycle day 8 and feel ok.  I'm getting sick of the shots and the meds 3x a day.  But it will be totally worth it if we are blessed with a baby.

I'm so glad we have insurance to help cover the costs of IVF.  We are extremely lucky and blessed to be able to do this.  I know a lot of people that can't afford to do it and are on the brink of giving up.  Nate and I aren't to that point yet.

I'm getting excited!  I've waited so long for this.  I think Heavenly Father is teaching me patience, but I wish he could have given me a different way to help me learn.  #infertilitysucks

Here's what my belly looks like after shots so far:

There are two things about this picture:  1.  I am very white.  2.  there are two little bruises by my left arm that are from injecting myself.

The good thing is that I don't feel bloated yet like some others have been.  I've rambled in this post and think it's time to do a new one for week 2

13 Weeks

This week was about the same.  At night, I can start to feel my belly a little bit bigger.  It's the weirdest feeling.  The biggest, most exciting thing about this week is that I am one week away from the 2nd trimester!  To celebrate, I threw up for the first time. In the shower.  I had just drunk a ton of water so that was mostly what came up.  I will say this, I can't have domino's pizza anymore... Throughout this pregnancy, I have gagged on tooth paste so much that I have almost thrown up.  I had to get a different kind to see if that would help.

Nate is really busy at work and sometimes I don't see him until like 930.  When he does get home at a decent time, we really like to take Copper for a walk, because that's all I can do right now.  

We also helped Madelyn and Tyler move into their new apartment that smells like dead cats.  I did so much "helping".  I mainly supervised and cleaned :)